He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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