In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
