HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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