Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
