U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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