hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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