My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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