Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She needs sedatives and a leash
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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