you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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