i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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