That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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