i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
