I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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