im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize