I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
