I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
