she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
