Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
