I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
