it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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