So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
