I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize