im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
