Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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