She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
