I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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