I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize