yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
