I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
