you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize