Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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