literally had 100 drinks last night.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
