So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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