Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
