i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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