I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
