Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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