So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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