haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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