i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
