CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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