4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
