Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
