I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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