her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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