why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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