Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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