The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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