I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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