he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
