he thought i was a dude.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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