Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
