uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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