morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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