Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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