my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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