"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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