Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
