oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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