im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're like the curious george of whores
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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