Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
