I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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