roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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