What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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