I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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